When there is no best way.

Life is mysterious. The clouds are bright today and the wind is fierce. There isn’t always a best way, and that is a blessing.

Lord, what do you want me to write today? There is so much I could write about.

I feel grateful that on a blustery night and day, I have had shelter. I have spent every minute warm and cozy in the comfort of my little bright apartment. I wish I could say that was true of all the people in my community and town, but I know that it is not. It’s hard for me to imagine not having a warm home to seek comfort in during a cold winter storm. Provide for the cold, sick, weak, and needy Lord. Thank you that you are near to them. Help me to love and care for the people in my town and world.

Jesus, how can we know peace without you. Or is there any such thing? Your peace is greater than a feeling or a sensation. It is not dependent on me, and it is not something I have to conjure in myself.

Philippians 4:5-7 says, “The Lord is at hand; do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”

Jesus, you are the prince of peace. The nearer we are to you, the nearer we are to peace. The more I share my heart with you in prayer, the more your peace reaches me.

Lord, I admit that the more I rely on myself and neglect to let my requests be known to you, the more anxious and unhappy I become. Forgive me for being anxious about work and responsibilities. Please guide me and give me wisdom for planning a meeting for the parents of the children of my program. Thank you for being with me when the program was evaluated yesterday, and thank you that the activities ran fairly smoothly.

Jesus, you have carried me every step of this week. You’re strength is so much greater than my weakness. You will carry me during future observations, work meetings, sicknesses, and though my deepest lows and highest victories. You are so good to me.

My eyes are heavy, and I feel myself wanting to slip into sleep. I am often tired during the day, but I have felt a sharp increase in fatigue this week. Jon has been sick all week, and I believe my body must be working extra hard to fight sickness.

Everyday I have to choose how I am going to respond to my narcolepsy symptoms. I wake up several times every night, and last night I woke up early in the morning feeling tired but unable to get the rest I knew my body needed. With every response, I struggle to know what is best. I struggle to make the decision and feel secure in the decision I end up making.

I am trying to give up the idea that there always is a best way. There isn’t always a right or wrong choice, and I won’t always be able to discern whether there is a best way or not. Letting go of there always being a best choice frees me from my fear of making a mistake or doing what is wrong.

There are good things and bad things about many of the decisions that we make. There are many good things to choose from and there is not one best way. This may seem obvious to others, but challenging my tendency to see things either as right or wrong is changing my world.

I can trust that you, Jesus, are working through even my failings and brokenness for good. I cannot rely on my ability to determine right vs. wrong. You are the one who opens the eyes and hearts of your people and allows them to discern with wisdom. You teach me everyday through your grace, love, and peace.

 

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