Only you are steadfast

My jaw hurts. My jaw hurts. My jaw hurts.

Dealing with chronic pain for the past year and four months has been extremely challenging for me, but I am not without hope. I am so grateful that Christ is steadfast.

My sister and brother-in-law gave me Sandra McCracken’s album God’s Highway as an early Christmas present last weekend. I have listened to it on the way to work most days this week, and the song “Steadfast” has stuck with me.

The line in the song that says “in the absence of holiness, you are still God” gives me the chills when I listen to it. The whole song is a reminder that God’s promise of unchanging and utterly dependable love toward us is true in the midst of darkness and evil.

Chronic pain and narcolepsy can feel like the absence of holiness to me. When I think of God’s holiness, I often think of his perfection and how we are called to imitate Christ by being holy as he is holy. Chronic pain and narcolepsy make me feel incredibly imperfect and problematic rather than holy.

God’s steadfast love is most comforting to me when I am experiencing pain in my jaw. Interestingly, synonyms of steadfast are unwavering and firm – words that could also easily be used to describe chronic pain.

If you are experiencing acute pain, it is acceptable to only be able to focus on the pain you are dealing with, but when you have chronic pain, that is not an option. Contemplating Christ’s steadfastness in the midst of pain allows me to transcend chronic pain. Steadfast love frees me to go beyond myself and my circumstances to see and to trust in the goodness of God.

The money in my back account and the doctors’ opinions and treatment plans are not steadfast. They disappoint you when you put your hope in them. Doctors contradict one another and can try their hardest to heal you without any success.

It is good to seek treatment; it just isn’t steadfast enough to be the object of your hope. I want to hope less in money and treatment and to hope more in the steadfast love of my God. He is the rock that does not move.

He is the firm foundation where I will find my healing and rest.